Bridges burned: Former minister’s need for speed exposed

Dr Oliver Hartwich
Insights Newsletter
24 May, 2024

In a shocking turn of events that has rocked the nation to its core, it has been revealed that Simon Bridges, the former minister and newly appointed chairman of the New Zealand Transport Agency (NZTA), received a speeding ticket in 2018.

This earth-shattering news has sent shockwaves through the country, leaving citizens wondering whether the very fabric of our society is falling apart.

The scandal (let’s call it “Ticketgate”) has dominated headlines, overshadowing trivial matters like the ongoing conflict in Ukraine, global economic challenges, and the recent shooting of the Slovak Prime Minister.

Investigative journalists have been working tirelessly to uncover the sordid details of Bridges’ heinous crime, which involved exceeding the speed limit by somewhere between 20-30 kph.

Rumours have circulated about another possible incident involving Bridges not holding the door open for someone in 2015, and an unverified source has claimed that he once forgot to say “thank you” to a cashier in the early 2000s.

“This is a dark day for New Zealand,” said one concerned citizen, who wished to remain unnamed. “How can we trust a man who has such a blatant disregard for the law? What’s next? Forgetting to pay for a bag at the supermarket? Not returning a shopping trolley to the designated area?”

“If we can’t trust the chairman of the NZTA to obey the speed limit, how can we trust anyone?” exclaimed a spokesperson for Commentators Anonymous. “This is a slippery slope. Today, it’s a speeding ticket; tomorrow it could be using an expired coupon or not rewinding a rented VHS tape in the late 1980s. Where does it end?”

Under intense scrutiny from the media, Bridges has expressed remorse for his actions, stating that he has “learnt a valuable lesson.”

As the nation grapples with the aftermath of this disturbing revelation, one can only wonder what the future holds for Simon Bridges. Will he be able to weather the storm of public outrage and media scrutiny? Or will this be the end of his tenure as chairman, forever tarnished by the spectre of his 2018 speeding ticket?

We would have liked to check the odds that the revelations will end Bridges’ career, but political betting market iPredict had to shut down several years ago due to a certain minister’s decision. It might have been Bridges himself.

And thus, only time will tell, but one thing is certain: New Zealand will never be the same again.

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