Dutch courage

Insights Newsletter
1 December, 2023

Are you suffering from post-election fatigue? Did you feel the whole campaign was overly long and protracted, and a little boring?  

And then the coalition negotiations – they dragged and dragged. It took so long that the planned mini-budget before Christmas will probably only contain our new government’s holiday plans.  

Well, you’re not alone. The International Doctor’s Intentional Oversight Team have reported that over 70% of New Zealanders are suffering from a condition known as “just a little bit sick of the whole thing, to be honest”. 

Thankfully, the brainboxes at I.D.I.O.T. have found a cure.  

It’s Dutch courage. 

Or, more specifically, we should all aspire to have the courage of the Dutch.  

It turns out we’re a little bit weak stomached here in New Zealand. Did campaigning begin a little before the official period? Did the coalition negotiations take 6 weeks? Boo hoo.  

The Dutch would cackle at such feeble-minded tripe.  

You may not be aware, but the Dutch have just had an election too. And they’re doing it properly – have the biggest winner be an unpalatable reactionary fearmongering strongman who yells at strawmen and who surely can’t get anyone else to work with him. 

Meanwhile, make sure no one gets over 25% to ensure that no one has any idea what the next government would look like.  

But why is that ideal, I hear you ask? 

Well, it’s simple. Coalition negotiations! 

Thinking 6 weeks is a long time for a coalition negotiation is embarrassingly weak-willed. 6 weeks is roughly the amount of time it takes us to not win a world cup. Hardly anything at all! 

The Dutch, however, know how to do coalition agreements.  

It is feared hoped that coalition negotiations may take months to complete. Months! And the last time they had an election? 271 days to finally strike a deal. 

Now that is a proper negotiation.  

Honestly, our 6 weeks makes it seem like our new government haven’t taken this seriously at all.  

How can you squeeze what takes the Dutch nearly a year into less than two months? Either our new government has rushed things, or the Dutch system is wildly inefficient. 

And why would we think that they’re inefficient when they have such lovely windmills?  

New Zealand, we need to toughen up. Our current ineptitude is depriving us of months and months of sweet, sweet, political uncertainty. 

Courage of the Dutch indeed.   

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