One-up Australia

Insights Newsletter
29 November, 2019

This week, opposition leader Simon Bridges announced he would introduce an elite anti-gang task force if elected.

Loosely modelled on Australia’s Strike Force Raptor, such a policy may be appropriate on the other side of the ditch. But this is New Zealand, and we can take stronger stuff than our Aussie cousins.

The Australians try to make life miserable for members of gangs. That includes harsh traffic ticket crack downs to enforcing liquor licenses on gang premises. That’s a good start but I won’t sleep better at night knowing that the Raptors are merely ensuring prudent payment of parking tickets. That’s nowhere near enough for me – or indeed New Zealand.

Okay, the Aussies have also targeted those lawyers still brave enough to represent gang members in court. They follow both the lawyer and their partners around, parking outside their homes and following them to work, ensuring no nefarious legalese is at play. Who would trust the criminal justice system in any case?

If Bridges’ goal is the eradication of gangs, we need to be much tougher than those Aussie sissies.

So how about drones for a start? Yes, Strike Force Raptor should have access to the latest technology New Zealand has to offer. I admit it, our latest technology usually means second-hand from America, but at least its new to us!

Why don’t we follow gang members around with drones? Better yet, why not sellotape tasers onto these drones to ensure prompt crime-fighting responsiveness with minimal life risk?

Why don’t we implant shocking chips into every gang member? That way, police can disable any gang member at the push of a button. Alternatively, why not develop it to detect adrenaline and shock the target automatically?

Better still, we need to be putting these chips into the gang member’s grandmothers! That way, we can ensure that if the gang member gets shocked, so too does grandma. What better way to deter violent gang action?

More comprehensive measures like this will make it clear that gangs are no longer tolerated in New Zealand, and no amount of well-meaning social development nonsense will stop the ever-growing threat they pose to the middle-class New Zealander.

Or maybe New Zealand needs to establish a giant penal colony somewhere else. Pity Australia is already taken.

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